This is long........but so worth it.

Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet.

Here's what happened:

Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was
"something wrong" with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his
room.

"He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious dad, can
you help?"

I put my best lizard-healer statement on my face and followed him into
his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back,
looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do.

"Honey," I called, " come look at the lizard!"

"Oh my! gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies."

"What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"

I was equally outraged.

"Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to
reproduce," I accused my wife.

"Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she
inquired.(I actually think she said this sarcastically!)

"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in my
most
loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth together).

"Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.

"Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know," she
informed me. (again with the sarcasm, you think?)

By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I
shrugged, deciding to make the best of it.

"Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience, I announced. "We're
about to witness the miracle of birth."

"Oh, gross!" they shrieked.

"Well, isn't THAT just great! What are we going to do with a litter of
tiny little lizard babies?" my wife wanted to know. (I really do think
she was being snotty here, too. Don't you?)

We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a
tiny
foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.

"We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted. "It's breech,"
my
wife whispered, horrified.

"Do something, Dad!" my son urged.

"Okay, okay." Squeamishly , I reached in and grabbed the foot when it
next appeared, giving it a gentle tug. It disappeared. I tried several
more times with the same results.

"Should I call 911," my eldest daughter wanted to know. "Maybe they
could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the
females in my house?)

"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly. We drove to the vet with
my
son holding the cage in his lap. "Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged.

"I don't think lizards do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can
be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one
thing,
but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.)

The Vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little
animal through a magnifying glass.

"What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I suggested scientifically.

"Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak
to you privately for a moment?"

I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.

"Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.

"Oh, perfectly," the Vet assured us. "This lizard is not in labour. In
fact, that isn't EVER going to happen... Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie
is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like
most
male species, they um.... um.... masturbate. Just the way he did, lying
on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife.

"Well, you know what I'm saying, Mr. Cameron."

We were silent, absorbing this.

"So Ernie's just... just... excited," my wife offered.

"Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood.

More silence. Then my viscous, cruel wife started to giggle. And
giggle.
And then even laugh loudly.

"What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the
woman
I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.

Tears were now running down her face. Laughing "It's just... that...
I'm
picturing you pulling on its... its... teeny little..." she gasped for
more air to bellow in laughter once more.

"That's enough," I warned. We thanked the Vet and hurriedly bundled the
lizards and our son back into the car. He was glad everything was going
to be okay.

"I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad," he told me.

"Oh, you have NO idea,"

Closed mouth, my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.

1 - Lizards - $140...
2 - Cage - $50...
3 - Trip to the Vet - $30...
4 - Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's winkie..... Priceless

Moral of the story - finish biology class - lizards lay eggs

Derek had to go to Joplin to get Chance Sunday. He was offered the opportunity to work extra hours that day and so I had said I'd go. I got on the horn to Ally cause I thought it'd be a great idea for us to go to lunch and see one another! Derek ended up not having to work but I went ahead and tagged along. We met up with Ally at Backyard Grill or something like that and had some fantastic burgers! We hit the park and let Nathan play while we had our girltime talking and griping about stuff! There was an ALS fundraiser going on and a news reporter there. Derek went over and was trying to get ME INTERVIEWED! I was OH HELL NO! He's changed soo much since we've been together! He used to be really shy but I've rubbed off on him! Now he talks TOO much sometimes! He loves to give people a hard time cause he's such a smart ass..lol!
Anyhoo, I left Joplin feeling melancholy cause I really wanted more time with Ally! We're going to try and get up there for the weekend...as soon as possible!
Hope you all have a great week!

Some of the women in the soaps I love are starting to annoy the hell outta me! I understand wanting to keep an open mind and all but SPARE ME! Kendall refusing to believe that Spike is going to be deaf, Phyllis refusing to turn herself into the prison, come on!!!!! I'd want to be with my child and keep hope alive too, but where is the common sense? Oh wait...it's soap opera land....people come back from the dead...why make sense? Kendall's the one that's really got me in knots...all this concern and she gives her son "vitamins" that she knows NOTHING about??? She'd rather risk his life than have a deaf child? Pretty lame....

That's the most retarded thing ever. Vanessa hon, I hope those weren't your words. If she's worried he's already losing interest, she should tell him to hit the pavement! She's beautiful, young, successful, and now she's blown her image right along with Zac....roflmao..sorry.....Anyhoo, how many teen queens have to screw up with naked pics and videos before anyone learns??

I fear I may be losing my ever lovin' mind! Yesterday was going to be the first day I didn't cry about Tori.....EEEEEEEEH, WRONG ANSWER! I cried 2 different times! I miss hearing her little "tinker bell" jingle when she ran through the house. I am trying to look at the good things, no more pooping on the floor, no more finding kitty litter covered cat crap on the floor from her getting it outta Salem's box and EATING it..Those are things I won't miss for sure! Oscar's been depressed so I've been trying to give him TLC. He's still sniffing around looking for her which makes me want to cry, but I don't.

Everyone at the gym has been so supportive of me and so has my mom. Hell, one of the women started crying hearing me talk about Tori's last few days.

I stayed up with her and slept in the floor Friday because she was oozing this nassy stuff outta her butt and puking alot. I didn't want to leave her but I didn't want that smell in my bed either. Saturday I put her outside again since it wasn't hot and she could be free to poo where she wanted. Then I gave her a bath, wrapped her up in a potty pad, towels, and blanket and cuddled her up in bed with me. I dozed off a few times but amazingly woke up right on time every 2 hours to give her the iv drip. When I woke up at 6 am she looked very out of it and seemed extremely dehydrated so I gave her the iv in all 4 spots, her medicine for her runs, and her meds for her nausea. She made the most horrible moaning sound when I left her so I could go potty. I stroked her and told her she'd be ok, her and the puppies would be just fine.(She was preggo with at least 2) Then I dozed off and when I woke up at 8 am due to a fu&%ed up nightmare, she was dead. I put her in one of her Tinkerbell dresses and told Derek to take her to be buried. I didn't want the kids to see her that way.

It was a wretched day but it is getting better slowly. Getting outta here and hitting the gym is a HUUUUUUUUUGE help. Maybe the good that will come outta her death will be me having a hot bod?...nahh I'd rather be flabby and have my puppy then hot and not.

I'm up to 500 crunches 3-5 times a week now. I actually walked to the gym - 2 blocks yesterday! Derek and Chance ran into me 2 blocks from the gym and drove me the rest of the way. Today it's raining, but I'm going to ride Chelsea's bike as soon as I get a break in the rain. I walked almost 4 miles in less than an hour. That should take me maybe 30 mins on the bike!

Thanks Ally, Brian, and mom for being such wonderful people and knowing how much I loved Tori. I haven't been getting much support lately from places that I should be getting it, so having my friends/family come through for me makes it a lot easier on me. I truly feel like I lost 3 or 4 puppies instead of 1. I was scared but kind of excited about the aspect of Tori having babies. Oscar's babies no less...so they were bound to be smart! Tori was kinda airheaded like me, but Oscar has my smart side...lol...

Peace out!

Thanks so much for the comments about my little cuz Chad. His injuries proved to be much less serious than they first thought and he's been out of the hospital for awhile now. He has made a full recovery. He broke "bones in his neck and back" rather than actually breaking his neck and back as they first stated.
My FIRST niece was born a few weeks ago and her name is Kendall Rose. I haven't had a chance to see her yet, I don't know her mommy very well and she had a very difficult delivery. I figured it would be smart to let her heal a bit. My sister is preggo with her 4th...ugh...and due on my birthday. Not to mention my little cousin that I adore, is pregnant and I'm just sick. Yes, babies are a gift and a wonderful thing. She just had so much potential and could have done anything with her life. She got hooked on drugs and was stripping in Dallas. I was told the pregnancy was the only thing that got her off the drugs, which makes me kind of ill. I worry about what kind of damage she may have already done to her unborn child. She's steered clear of me since she quit high school because she knows how important an education in to me. She's aware that she's disappointed me and has said she's too ashamed to face me. I'm kind of mortified to hear that because I'm not THAT preachy!
My cat had kittens AGAIN and this time we have 6!!!! All but one are calico. Tori is preggo and that's sucky because she wasn't supposed to breed until she was a year old. She got knocked up at 10 mos...so I hope she makes it...I wanted pug babies but not like this! Is there something in the water or WHAT????
Derek's mom is working in Kansas with FEMA doing disaster relief. She comes to our house for the weekends to visit and get away from all that sadness....Since she lives in D.C. we don't see her much and this has been a great joy for us to be able to see her.
I've been helping my mom move, getting the kids ready for school, cleaning houses, and losin' my mind!
I have really been impressed by some of the newbies and the fantastic things they are doing on here! I hope I get to spend some more time on here like I used to!
Miss you all!

My little 2nd cousin Chad has had a car wreck. He's broken his back, neck, and nose. I haven't heard yet whether he'll be able to walk again. He's a sports fanatic and was playing baseball while attending Kentucky Weslyan(however you spell it) college on a baseball scholarship. He's played semi-pro for the Indiana Outlaws. I've tried to find info about his wreck online and haven't been successful. I could find info about his baseball career and that's it. His mom is a wonderful person, of course she is she's related to me, and just lost her daddy a few years ago. Please keep her and her family in your thoughts.

Clemons signs with Brescia University

Muhlenberg South’s Chad Clemons signed a letter of intent to play baseball with Brescia University at South High May 18. Joining him at the signing were Tina and Greg Clemons and Jason Vittone, Brescia baseball coach. Back row, Robbie Revo, asst. coach, Shannon Vincent, head coach, Whitney Clemons and Les Broady, MSHS athletic director. (Leader-News Photo/Jill Latham)
Chad and Family
This is a very old pic but it has my cousin, her kids, and her hubby.

I have to remember to think before I type! I really thought I'd be on here more and life just gets in the way! My sister's preggo again, my dad had a heart attack, my brothers' are morons, and I've started cleaning houses.
My sister is .....exasperating to say the least, the very least....my dad is doing much better and had to have angioplasty done. They also put a stint in. My sister and I went, upon my dad's girlfriend Lisa's request, to make sure my bros hadn't trashed the apartment and weren't partying because dad wasn't supposed to have any stress...they were partying like rockstars.....apartment wasn't too bad, we just did some deep cleaning and got into it with my youngest bro Justin....he's now my bro in name only....I refuse to claim him........and I guess I just got tired of cleaning my own house for free....so now I'm cleaning others....can't beat the money! I'd blog more, but I had to change my settings and delete over 200 content updates.....hehheeh....I must head to MYSPACE to update!